


burned too bright.

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, i knew you were trouble, i made this off a taylor swift song, lol leave me alone, so zayn's a drug dealer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-13
Updated: 2013-01-13
Packaged: 2017-11-25 09:54:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/637661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I think--I think when it's all over, <br/>it just comes back in flashes, you know? </p><p>Liam doesn’t think he can get this low, to the point where all he can think of is pink, chapped lips wrapped around a skinny cigarette, long eyelashes that put all those fake ones to shame and eyes that could cut you down or bring you up with one look. He’s on his knees, sorting through his closet and everything has a small smell of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	burned too bright.

_I think--I think when it's all over,  
it just comes back in flashes, you know? _

Liam doesn’t think he can get this low, to the point where all he can think of is pink, chapped lips wrapped around a skinny cigarette, long eyelashes that put all those fake ones to shame and eyes that could cut you down or bring you up with one look. He’s on his knees, sorting through his closet and everything has a small smell of _him._

Cigarettes and expensive cologne were always his thing, Liam used to think it was so sexy now it makes him want to cry. Liam slumps against the walls and wonders what he’s doing, because he’s yearning for the touch of an olive skinned boy who was everything to him.

Liam doesn’t think he can do this; pretend to be healed or perfect. All he can think of is Zayn telling him to show his emotions, _“Show what you feel for once, Li.”_ He had said and Liam had promised he would do that, Zayn had said he would always stay too,

_“Ever gonna leave?”_

_“Never.”_ And Liam had held him to that promise but of course, he had broken it, his friends had warned him too. When he let Zayn meet them all they all had plastered fake smiles across their faces but as soon as Zayn had stepped out the door, it was a constant litany of,

_“Are you sure he’s good for you?” “He looks kind of shady.” “I wouldn’t want you getting hurt.”_

Liam had laughed simply and told them he had thought the same thing too but Zayn was amazing, he was good and he treated Liam great. Liam doesn’t really understand where everything went wrong, he doesn’t remember when the loving stares turned into fleeting glances and it hurts, really bad.

_It's like a kaleidoscope of memories.  
It just all comes back. But he never does. _

Zayn’s everywhere, in every crevice in space of Liam’s fucked up brain. He’s in his apartment in the morning when Liam gets cold and Zayn’s arms aren’t there to wrap around his torso, he’s there on Liam’s IPod when Frank Ocean comes on because all he can think of is Zayn,

_“Cuz I’ve been thinking about forever.”_

He’s there in Liam’s job because he remembers him walking in and bringing Liam a greased up lunch from either McDonalds or Burger King, he’d land a kiss on Liam’s waiting lips earning glances from ignorant workers or people who just loved seeing two guys kiss.

He’s there when Liam’s mom calls,

_“Where’s Zayn honey?”_

_“I wish I knew.”_

So yeah, Zayn’s everywhere but he’s not all at the same time and that’s enough to leave Liam broken in his kitchen while trying to cook some falafels, Zayn’s favorite.

_I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen._

When Liam met Zayn, he was waiting for the bus because his car was in the garage getting fixed, Zayn was leaning on the wall next to the bench Liam was sitting on and his skin was littered with different tattoos. His lips were around a fag and he just looked bored.

Liam had looked at him every now and then because Zayn was truly beautiful, like something out of a fairy tale but Liam thought he was like _big bad wolf with Prince Charming inside_ you know.

“Hey.” Zayn had said his voice rough like sandpaper. Liam had swallowed because was Zayn really talking to him of all people,

“Hi.” Liam had replied, biting his lip and yeah he had tried to look all seductive and sexy. Zayn was staring at him with an amused look and Liam had looked away, afraid Zayn would see right through him.

“I’m Zayn.” He had stated but he had said it like Zen and it was the prettiest thing Liam had ever heard tumble out of a human beings lips.

“Liam.” He had replied searching Zayn’s face but Zayn was just looking at him through half lidded eyes. The bus was here and Zayn dropped the cigarette,

“See ya around Liam.” And Liam had never heard someone say his name like a beautiful sin before but Zayn had and Liam could sense something wasn’t exactly safe with Zayn but he had kept coming back to the bus stop, even when his car was fixed and Zayn was always there.

“Wanna show you something.” Zayn had said a week after they had made small talk and it probably wasn’t the smartest idea to just go willingly with a guy he barely knew but when he ended up with Zayn’s tongue down his throat well he didn’t exactly mind.

_It's not really anything he said or anything he did,  
it was the feeling that came along with it._

Liam is pretty sure he should’ve felt safe around Zayn and he did somewhat, well when Zayn wasn’t hanging around street corners and selling dope to people with Liam along. Liam probably should’ve put his foot down but he felt something every time Zayn looked at him and pressed a small kiss to his lips and he didn’t want to lose that feeling.

And Zayn was perfect in the way he talked and touched Liam so maybe Liam was being ridiculous, maybe every time he got a call for someone asking for Zayn; someone he didn’t know maybe he was just family.

Liam got it that Zayn did some stuff that weren’t exactly abiding to the laws but it wasn’t hurting Liam, okay so maybe when Zayn didn’t sell anything he’d get angry and not let Liam touch him or he’d yell a lot but that was nothing, Zayn had a lot of rage.

Also, Liam was somewhat drunk off Zayn and he didn’t want to come down.

_And the crazy thing is I don't know if I'm ever gonna feel that way again.  
But I don't know if I should._

Zayn was different way different than anything Liam had experienced, Liam didn’t live on the edge but Zayn did and he was just so intoxicating. He also made Liam feel wanted because even though Zayn was smaller he had this air of being big.

This whole thing with Zayn was oh so confusing and oh so consuming but god Liam didn’t want it to end and he knew he would never ever get anybody like this again, like Zayn. He didn’t really know if that was good or bad so he held onto Zayn so tight because he wasn’t prepared to lose him.

Not then, not now, not ever.

_I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright._

Zayn had different friends! There was an underground club that Zayn brought him too and everything was fast paced and high, Liam faintly remembers anything but he knew everybody knew Zayn.

Everything was always get out in go in the club too, Zayn would give someone something and then he was leaving with cash in his pocket. Liam was wound up tight at the looks people gave him, predatory and really scary.

_“Relax babe.”_

Zayn would always coo and Liam would nod, relax that was all he had to do but he couldn’t. The music was too loud and the bodies too sweaty, everything too something and Liam felt like he was suffocating.

Sometimes someone would be at Zayn’s apartment when Liam slept over and he’d hear Zayn speaking,

_“Ecstasy pills, good weed.”_

Liam knew he probably should’ve stopped there but he was so far gone and Zayn would be on top of him in very few minutes and Liam would feel lost and he really wasn’t sure if that was a bad thing at the moment.

They ran in different circles, Liam’s friends weren’t exactly clean cut but to Zayn’s friends they were model citizens. It was somewhat intimidating when Zayn’s best friends Ant and Danny would stare at him through glazed over eyes and lips in tight lines.

Liam was gone though, so far gone.

_But I just thought how can the devil be pulling you toward someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you?_

Liam was blind while with Zayn because Zayn would look at him like he was the only one in the club or street corner or wherever they were that day and he smiled so pretty and he made Liam feel so so good! Maybe Liam was an idiot for falling for someone like that, someone like Zayn who was reckless but Liam had to loosen up!

So Liam would bite his lip and think fuck it because goddmanit Zayn was smiling at him again or talking in that low voice he always used when speaking to Liam, all gruff and beautiful and Liam just couldn’t resist.

So maybe Zayn was a wolf in sheep’s clothing but he was Liam’s wolf okay and Liam wasn’t giving him up so soon, not yet.

_Maybe he knew that when he saw me.  
I guess I just lost my balance._

So maybe Liam was easily taken or intimidated because why else would Zayn pick him? And Liam was teetering over a tight rope that was Zayn and the whole time he thought Zayn was keeping him up, he fooled himself.

Zayn somewhat just went with the flow of what was Liam, and Liam went with the waterfall that was Zayn. It was all crashing and beautiful but when you fell damn, those fucking rocks because you’d bruise and you’d bruise hard.

So when Zayn came home and screamed at Liam for not making the dinner right all because he didn’t do well another rock dug into Liam and he was making the best out of a bad situation okay he had too because that’s what you do when you love someone.

So Liam fell and Zayn watched, maybe the cigarette smoke was blinding him or something.

_I think that the worst part of it all wasn't losing him.  
It was losing me._

And Liam thought he knew himself so well but after three months of dating Zayn, of getting lost in the galaxy that was his life Liam looked at himself in the mirror and he kept looking and looking. He didn’t know what he was looking for until he realized it was himself, something that said the old Liam was here.

But Liam was gone and he was replaced with a guy who was high off a relationship and who didn’t care if his friends looked at him weird or that his family was worried, Liam was lost.

So here, he is in the present wanting Zayn back because Zayn took him and yeah it hurt to lose Zayn a whole fucking lot but Liam wanted himself back and he wasn’t there, he was just a ghost floating around something that was already gone.

Liam knew Zayn was trouble but damn… he felt amazing.  

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback? Kudos? Talk to me on Tumblr: http://everythingisziam-andnothinghurts.tumblr.com/


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